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Joke of the Day

"[I open my lunchbox to find pair of wife's underwear] But that means... [Cut to my wife opening her lunchbox to find a pair of my underwear]"

"""No more self-deprecating tweets,"" I whisper fatly."

"Yoga may be the key to your flexibility. Alcohol is the key to mine."

"What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant? ""Are you sure it's mine?"""

"Text to wife: ""Would you bring me my "" and my phone suggests ""girlfriend."" My phone is trying to kill me."

"What is it about being blind... ...that makes people want to walk their dog so much?"

"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef What do you call a cow with 3 legs? Lean Beef What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mother"

"How did Hellen Keller break her arms when she fell down a well? She was shouting for help."

"Important Message for Every MAN if you MARRY ONE WOMAN She will fight with you... But if you MARRY TWO WOMAN they will fight for you :D So! Think Different... Add Wife... Have Life... ;)"

"you know whats great about alzhemiers? nevermind i forget"