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Joke of the Day

"[I open my lunchbox to find pair of wife's underwear] But that means... [Cut to my wife opening her lunchbox to find a pair of my underwear]"

"No I don't watch Mad Men. If I wanted to pretend like it was fifty years ago I'd just go to a Tea Party Rally."

"I like my women like I like my coffee. Silent"

"Bill Cosby buys a really boring, run-down bar People say its so boring you might just fall asleep after one of the drinks"

"Goldfish One day, baby goldfish went to ask him father : ""Dad, why do our memories only last for 3 seconds?"" ""What son?"" ""What?"""

"The meanest man in the world Is the Warden who put a tack on the electric chair."

"Sometimes I wonder about those old mattresses in the alleys, the stories they could tell. The ones about me are lies of course."

"How many optometrists does it take to change a lightbulb? One or two? One.... or two?"

"What's the difference between a guitar and a fish? You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish."

"What's 6.9? A good thing ruined by a period."