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Joke of the Day

"""Um guys wait seriously you guys I feel like we should be going the other way they're shooting at us? Um guys?!"" --horses going into battle"

"Your honor? My client would like to address the court and ruin everything."

"I wonder how many times Batman had to rub one out in the Batmobile after fighting with Catwoman"

"What's the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? (NSFW) At least a zit waits you're a teenage boy before it cums on your face."

"It's called a ponytail because there is a small horse inside your head growing his tail out of you."

"locked my keys in my car outside of an abortion clinic the other day. It turns out they get really pissed when you go in and ask them for a coat hanger"

"When did Anakin Skywalker become a mohel? When he cut through the Force-kin."

"Why can't a blonde dial 911? Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven."

"Call me old-fashioned, but marriage should be about a man aligning forces with a trusted ally to consolidate power & destroy common enemies"

"Bad news, I won the McArthur idiot grant, now I owe them a millions dollars"