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Joke of the Day

"What is a dentist's favorite dinosaur? A Flossiraptor! I'll just show myself out..."

"POLICE OFFICER: ""Do you know why I pulled you over?"" ME: ""Because you know I love riddles."""

"If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane."

"When we were young, my brother was always better in everything. I never let it get me down though. Because I know I will always have more chromosomes than him!"

"Why did Helen Keller scream? Her parents left the plunger in the toilet."

"Sometimes I buy enormous pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight."

"Why is a buffet like a strip club? You'll regret going to a cheap one."

"Be wary about dating a female that pronounces the letter H silent Especially when she tells you that all she wants is happiness."

"Hey, I'm a girl. I ignore nice guys, chase douche bags, and then complain about it"

"My boss said, ""Have a good day""... So I went home."