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Joke of the Day

"I've easily spent 12% of my life chuckling at my own jokes and being grossed out by my own body. Also, I like random percentages."

"A guest checked in and informed us that his plane had a ton of delays throughout the day. I replied ""well, at least it didn't disappear, eh?"""

"There are 2 kinds of people: 1) Happy morning people 2) Cranky morning people that fantasize about killing the happy morning people"

"Gay marriage is about to become legal in England. Hey, America, how does it feel when your parents are cooler than you?"

"What do you call Aaron Rodgers' generous daughter? Sharon Rodgers"

"In Louisville, KY where bars are open till 4 am. Here's my slogan for them: ""Get upchucky in Kentucky."""

"A question that answers itself What is curiosity?"

"What do you call a black guy having sex? RAPE"

"I don't know who put chairs in the elevator, but that's a kind of laziness that I can respect."

"I hate it when gross couples tell you they're trying for a baby and you have to picture them fucking for a second."