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Joke of the Day

"Just snipped off a toddler's faux-hawk while his mom was in the bathroom at Starbucks, because I give a shit about the future."

Next Joke
 
"Yo mama so ugly that not even goldfish crackers smile back"
"In movies, do actors wear costume underwear? Or underwear from home? The whole thing is confusing. I don't think I can keep watching movies"
"Do you need an arc? Cos i noah guy"
"Dad, what is a cross-dresser? Ask your mother, he knows."
"If flies fly after flies flies fly fucking fast It's better in Dutch: > Als vliegen achter vliegen vliegen vliegen vliegen vliegensvlug"
"I went to get a physical and the doctor told me I need to stop masturbating... I said, ""why?"" He said, ""Because I am giving you a physical!"""
"My wife tells me im always too negative Well, doesnt that make me a positive?"
"I wouldn't really mind being left to my own devices as long they were fully charged and there was WiFi."
"Still haven't found the manly way to walk across ice."
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