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Joke of the Day
"""Did you check your pockets?"" - kangaroo who's lost a child"
Next Joke
"I swear I heard my dentist whisper ""yolo"" as he reached for a chisel..."
"Bro: Dude, is this YOUR Shakira CD??? Me: What? No....it's my wife's..... Hips: No.... It's his... Me: Shut up Hips!"
"If I had to guess at the religion of Daniel Day Lewis... I would probably have to say Methodist   [What are the rules of Daniel Day Lewis?!](http://imgur.com/gallery/NDOov4L)"
"How was Rome cut in half? With a pair of Caesars."
"A girl recently asked me which Beatles song describes her the best... I guess 'She's so heavy' wasn't the best choice."
"We've secretly replaced Janet's coffee with melatonin capsules. Let's see if okay yeah, she noticed. She looks pissed. Sleepy, but pissed..."
"What do you get for opening the BEST Vietnamese soup joint in London? A great big pho queue."
"I don't have jealousy issues, but I do have ""flirt with my boyfriend one more time and I may have to cut you"" issues."
"What tea do footballers drink? Penaltea!"