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Joke of the Day

"Getting tired of these people who come to my door, telling me I'm gonna burn unless I'm saved... The flashing lights on their trucks were pretty cool to see, though."

"Why was the midget fired from his job? He came up short on his register."

"What did the lawyer say after the short trial? That was a brief case."

"Game of Thrones is exciting, but I think it's important to remember that these people are fighting over a chair"

"Yeah, cigarettes make you cool but they also take years off your life. Those are just two benefits."

"I like to imagine Supreme Court is just like regular court but with tomatoes and sour cream."

"How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, but don't ask me how they got in there."

"Did you hear about that new Jewish car? It stops on a dime, then picks it up!"

"What Should You Do After Ireland Wins The World Cup Turn off Fifa and go to bed"

"Just once in my life... ...I'd like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my dick is."