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Joke of the Day

"Do you know who I saw yesterday? Everyone I looked at"

"Ladies, you should know that if I invite you to a movie I'm only after one thing: someone with a big purse I can store all my snacks in."

"Is it cocky to have 2 penises? I think its 2 cocky."

"If I ever become a ghost, I sure hope they have some options other than pottery."

"Why did Microsoft go straight to Windows 10? Because 7 8 9"

"[911 call] ""My hand's stuck in a blender!"" ""Turn it on then."" ""What?"" "" I can't hear it, turn it on so I know you're not lying."""

"How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? Two... One to beat the the room for being black and the other to beat the switch for being broke."

"I couldn't afford to take my kids to Sea World. So I took them to our local fish market, saying, ""Shhhh... they're all asleep."""

"I told my dentist I wanted whiter teeth so he named them all Bryce and moved them to a gated community."

"I've never finished a marathon, but one time I finished a whole bag of Peanut Butter Crunch even though the roof of my mouth was all tore up"