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Joke of the Day

"Ladies, you should know that if I invite you to a movie I'm only after one thing: someone with a big purse I can store all my snacks in."

"What's grey but turns red ? An embarrassed elephant !"

"You know which singer really cut the mustard? Celine Dijon"

"What do you call it when Batman skips Church? Christian Bale."

"What do you call a girl that can suck a lemon through a garden hose? Sweethaert. (an old one but still very very good)"

"My car horn hasn't worked for a long time. Today, a Boy Scout fixed it and all he said was, ""Beep repaired!"""

"An Australian man walked in on his girlfriend getting changed and she said ""Have you heard of knocking?"" He said ""It doesn't ring a bell"""

"I pledged to pick up 10 pieces of trash on Tuesday. So, I'm going to Walmart to see if anyone needs a ride. *adds humanitarian to resume"

"A Freudian Slip is... when you say one thing but mean your mother."

"""So why do you wanna work at Petsmart?"" *imagines running out of the store with all the dogs in my arms* ""I'm a people person."""