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Joke of the Day

"I've never finished a marathon, but one time I finished a whole bag of Peanut Butter Crunch even though the roof of my mouth was all tore up"

"Stay away from teenage skunks They have pee-yoo-berty! Ill see myself out :/"

"Why do Ninjas always wear black? The skilled ones don't."

"Doctors in Zurich, Switzerland, in a 14-hour operation, successfully separated the conjoined Facebook account of a husband and wife."

"Most men know that women dream of having two men at the same time. But they don't understand that in those fantasies one man is cleaning the house and the other one is cooking."

"When I die, I want to pass peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa Not screaming in petrified terror, like his passengers."

"What do you call a Mexican who can't find parking. Noe. E-or estacionar is park in Spanish."

"I will marry the next person who just shows up here with a container of hummus."

"Brobbits before Hobbits"

"Don't text and drive. Just pull over until you're done using your phone. That's what I do. I've been on the side of the road since 2011."