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Joke of the Day

"I've never finished a marathon, but one time I finished a whole bag of Peanut Butter Crunch even though the roof of my mouth was all tore up"

"What's better than winning gold in the Paralympics? Having a pair of legs...... I know, I know, I'm going to hell"

"For my next magic trick i'll need a condom and a volunteer."

"What do you call a bird of prey with high intelligence? A falcon genius."

"Why do electricians make good mediators? Because they're good at finding common ground."

"The phone rings, and Dad asks: What does the caller ID say? Mom: It's a private caller. Dad: Don't answer that. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher."

"My school is having a best joke contest tomorrow... gimme your best All I got is How do you spot a vegan at a party? Don't worry, they'll tell you."

"I'm 87 but have the body of a 25-year-old supermodel But it takes up too much room in my freezer, any suggestions?"

"Don't judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes. Unless he wears Crocs. You just know he's a total douche jacket at that point."

"A bear walks into a bar and asks the barman: ""Can I have a beer...................Please?"" The barman replies: ""Sure, but why the massive paws?"" Edit: Paws not pause"