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Joke of the Day

"That sinking feeling when you realize you forgot to lock your clubhouse when you were 8, and it's probably all infested now with girls"

"How do Muslims close a door? Islams it."

"Why are Asians no good a football ( soccer) ? Because whenever they get a corner they open a shop !"

"What do you call an elephant creeping through the jungle in the middle of the night ? Russell !"

"Ya know...If heat rises.. Heaven just might be hotter than hell."

"Before we hang out, please be advised I will be spending the rest of the summer talking like Bane."

"Number 1 best thing about waterparks: boobs. I'm sure there's a number 2 best thing, but #1 has got me pretty occupied at the moment."

"I've been squeezing the last drop of toothpaste from this tube for over a month now."

"[2nd time at girls house] ""where's your dog?"" Oh he isn't mine. I was dog sitting [makes text alert sound w mouth] ""Its work. I gotta go"""

"I just got a DM from a guy who said he was a Day Trader. I offered him 3 Mondays for a Friday."