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Joke of the Day
"What do you get when you cross a lawnmower and a canary? Shredded tweet."
Next Joke
"Texts son - to come and hand me my drink 5 feet away God he's lazy, took him ten minutes to reply"
"A husband and wife go out to eat And the waitress asks ""would you like any condiments?"" They simultaneously reply ""no thanks, we're married"""
"Even if oil prices go down, I'm still going to siphon gas from my neighbor's car because I like the adrenaline rush and he's an asshole."
"Cute Pirate Joke What is a pirate's favorite fast food restaurant? Well, you might think that it'd be Arrrrby's, but they are actually quite fond of Long John Silvers."
"What are two letters a Brit can't live without? T and Qs."
"Is Vanilla Ice's son named Vanilla Extract? Cuz he should be."
"What do you get when you cross an insomniac, dyslexic, and agnostic? Someone who stays up wondering if there is a dog."
"Be sure to use the word ""irony"" correctly. It means when something's, you know, just weird."
"I could make a sandwich before a British person finishes saying ""et cetera."""