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Joke of the Day

"Arnold's new tell all book. Arnold Schwarzenegger just wrote a new tell all book because no one could understand his audio book."

"At school he used to enjoy streaking. On it's own, not a particularly interesting fact, until you consider he was at an ALL BOYS boarding school."

"If HBO released all ten episodes of Game of Thrones at once, maybe I'd be able to remember the characters' names from episode to episode."

"God doesn't close a door without opening a window. God's house must be drafty as fuck."

"Friend: All I want for Christmas is a new blender Me: Wouldn't you rather have your life together?"

"I got sacked from a job for smiling too much... I said, ""If I can't smile on the job, get yourself another undertaker."""

"What do you call a quadriplegic Canadian? A Can't-adian!"

"Why can't two melons get married? Because they cantaloupe."

"I just saw a man pick up a screaming child and take her to his van. Man, kids are getting carried away these days."

"There are six American flags on the Moon. Five of them are still standing. Due to the strong UV radiation, they are all completely white by now. So it looks like the French landed there."