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Joke of the Day

"I got sacked from a job for smiling too much... I said, ""If I can't smile on the job, get yourself another undertaker."""

"Men and women shop differently. Men know what they want before they see it. Women don't know what they want until they see it."

"Violets are blue, roses are red Violets are blue, roses are red. We're doing it backwards, That's what she said."

"Is this why we're in a recession? Because babies were trading our stocks?"

"Why are camels also known as Ships Of The Desert'? Because they're full of Arab seamen....."

"How was the sound quality of Shrek's musical keyboard? Nothing special, it was just MIDI-Ogre"

"""Hey kids, you like candy?"" I said to my own kids, luring them into my van so I could get them to school and be at work on time."

"Statistics show that 1 in 20 of us live next door to a paedo... ...not me though, I live next door to two stunning 8 year olds."

"My daughter called me ""lame."" Let's see how ""lame"" she thinks I am when I pick her and her friends up from the movies in a BOAT"

"Lifehack: If whenever someone asks your opinion on something you say, ""Now thats-a spicy meatball!"" people will learn not to ask you things."