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Joke of the Day

"(God creating coyotes) God: Make them look like dogs. Angel: Exactly like dogs? God: But with a meth problem."

"The Force Awakens could have been much shorter. All the First Order had to do to get rid of the Resistance was to use a superconductor."

"How's your homophone needlepoint project coming along? Sew sew"

"mom: why is there a Hispanic man climbing our balcony me: he is my romeo & I am his Juliet mom: (._. ) me: I'm just kidding call the cops"

"I've been standing in IKEA with a lamp shade on my head for 3 days, hiding from the cops."

"What is Adam's brother called? Subtractem"

"I tried to bring my dead friend to class with me, but the teacher kicked him out. Guess he's too ghoul for school."

"Study finds that a man looks into a woman's eyes for 8.2 seconds if he is attracted to her, 4.5 seconds if he is not, and 0.0 seconds if she's a C-cup or above"

"What do mathmeticians do when they are constipated? Work it out with a pencil"

"Another friend of mine is a very successful businessman. He started with five thousand pounds - now he owes fifty-five million."