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Joke of the Day

"Study finds that a man looks into a woman's eyes for 8.2 seconds if he is attracted to her, 4.5 seconds if he is not, and 0.0 seconds if she's a C-cup or above"

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"If we had a break up letter there for every gender there was... We'd have ""Dear John"", ""Dear Jane"", and ""Dear Xir, Ruler of Omicron Percei 8"""
"Hello OnStar? Yes I have an emergency. My wife thinks Pikachu is better than Squirtle. I left her at a gas station. Can you go get her?"
"*decides to go on a diet* *smokes weed* *eats a horse*"
"I tried to go to the brothel today but there was a sign on the door It said ""Beat it, we're closed."""
"You know its Monday when your left eye wont open and your right eye is twitching."
"Why are so many lesbians vegetarian? Because they don't like to eat meat ( )"
"If I got $1 every time someone called me a racist... Black people would rob me"
"American Public Schools."
"Why did the unfaithful Arabic woman cross the road? To get to the other Sayid."
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