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Joke of the Day
"[senses date is losing interest in me] ""my uncle was the guy who did the rap in Red Red Wine"""
Next Joke
"My exercise is primarily jumping to conclusions, stretching the truth and pushing my luck."
"Why doesn't Hellen Keller play piano? Because she's fucking dead."
"I'm trying to ignore the subway mariachi band that's ruining my commute, but I should have refused to carpool with them in the first place."
"When someone uses an elipsis at the end of a text message I assume they fell off a cliff."
"A Jewish boy asks his father if he can borrow $50 The father replies, ""$40 dollars?! What do you need $30 dollars for??"""
"If you ever get hit by a car, try to spin like a ballerina. You won't get another chance like this."
"I always assume people with red cars were drunk when they went to the dealership."
"I would have gladly studied to become a theoretical physicist,... but unfortunately, I'm allergic to B.S."
"How do you tell the difference between a triathlete and biathlete? A triathlete doesn't go both ways."