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Joke of the Day
"When someone uses an elipsis at the end of a text message I assume they fell off a cliff."
Next Joke
"Glare upon the field where I grow my fucks and see that it is baren Seriously they just won't grow"
"If you ever have to say ""just kidding,"" you're probably not very good at kidding and you should stop kidding"
"No, Groupon. Not even an 89% discount will lure me to ""An evening of yoga and rock climbing."""
"I like my sex just like my wifi.. I like my sex just like my wifi, slow and unprotected."
"I heard Hillary paid a touching tribute at the 9/11 memorial... ...she collapsed."
"I went to the gym and asked the guy there to teach me how to do the splits..... He said 'how flexible are you?' I said 'I can't do Thursdays.' Credit: Tommy Cooper"
"What does a vampire on a diet drink? Blood Lite Thanks Jim Butcher..."
"C, E-flat, and G walk into a bar... The bartender shows them the door and says, ""Sorry, we don't serve minors."""
"What did the ghost say to the bee? Boobee!"