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Joke of the Day

"Ellen Degeneres died today... ... they found her face down in Rosie O'Donnell."

"What is long, white, and very sticky? The coming of the Lord!"

"GAME SHOW IDEA: Man hands wife his phone. If he can let her look at it for 60 secs without looking uncomfortable, he wins a billion dollars."

"My reddit secret santa gave me what I have really been wanting for quite some time now.... They fucked me."

"I wrote 'DIVORCE', my wife wrote 'YES'. Tough way to find out, but at least I won our last game of Scrabble"

"Teacher draws a penis on the blackboard. ""Does any one know what that is?"" ""Yes,"" says Tommy. ""My dad has two, a small one for weeing and a big one for cleaning the babysitters teeth."""

"What concert costs 45 cents? A concert that costs 45 cents."

"Why is American Beer like making love in a canoe? Because it's fucking close to water. ^(Source: The Philosophy department of the University of Wallabaloo.)"

"*walking into our new house* ME: Whaddya say we christen our new home? HER: *giggling* OK *later, flinging holy water* ME: GET OUT GHOSTS"

"One man's whore is another man's whore."