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Joke of the Day

"Waiter waiter this lobster's only got one claw. It must have been in a fight sir. Then bring me the winner."

"Cashier: would u like a bag? Me: no I'll just carry the economy box of pads & Midol out so whoever thinks of kidnapping me will think twice"

"I didn't like my beard at first.. Then it started to grow on me"

"I like my coffee like I like my women Without a penis"

"A general calls a colonel: - Do you have a couple of smart majors? - Yes I do. - Send them to me. I need to move my furniture around."

"What if... ...the U.S. government builds a wall to keep the Americans in?"

"What do you call an Asian lady sitting on a fence with no arms or legs? Pai-Ling"

"What's E.T. short for? He's just got little legs."

"Did you hear the one about the German sausage? It was the wurst!"

"What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you will rise and shine."