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Joke of the Day

"""Dad, why is my picture on that milk carton?"" ""Well, son, I guess it's time that I tell you the truth. You were adopted... from a dairy."""

"My Estonian girlfriend gave me a BJ the other day When she looked up at me and said ""12 months!"""

"My wife said to me: ""If you won the lottery, would you still love me? I said: ""Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you"

"People with eyebrow, nose, and lip piercings always look like they landed face-first into a tackle box."

"*wife opens present* ""You got me the action figure you wanted?"" Ugh if you don't appreciate it then give me it *takes gift and runs to room*"

"I never feel as much panic as I do when the cashier asks me if I have their member card yet."

"What do you get when Italians join ISIS? Baked Yazidi"

"I like my friends like I like my coffee... I gave it up for lent"

"Who was the world's first carpenter? Eve. She made Adam's banana stand"

"What does a hippy say when you tell him to get off your couch? Namaste"