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Joke of the Day

"If you're over the age of 5, and are trying to be cute by saying: sorry as: sowee - I will kick you in your pwivates."

"Right about now, family members all over the country are realizing the Starbucks cards I gave them for Christmas are empty."

"STOP PUTTING SIRENS IN MUSIC FOR PETE'S SAKE! I let my hair down & undid two buttons before i realized i wasn't getting pulled over!"

"Did you know... Did you know that Stevie Wonder has been paying child support for kids he's never seen?"

"What's the difference between a slut and a bitch? A slut sleeps with everyone and a bitch sleeps with everyone but you."

"The other day I saw a sign on my street for a garage sale ...but I didn't go. I already had a garage."

"My father was a nun... Whenever he was in court and the occupation was called for, he would say ""nun."""

"We were promised flying cars and instead all we got were magic glowing rectangles to access all the world's knowledge :("

"""What is your reason for divorce?"" She pronounces 'Kansas' like the second part of 'Arkansas'"

"What's the difference between driving a car on an empty tank of gas and having diarrhea? One you're running on fumes, the other you're fuming with the runs."