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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a group of security guards in front of a Samsung store? Guardians of the Galaxy."

"Grandma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer is my favorite song about how to incorrectly deal with the loss of a loved one during the holiday"

"Whale joke How do you circumcise a whale? You send down four skin divers!"

"[wife calls] did you write ""make all the traps from home alone"" on the calendar [me at hardware store holding paint cans and feathers] ""no"""

"The doctor told me I couldn't lift large objects for two weeks after surgery. Guess I'll be peeing sitting down for awhile."

"Why do you not run over a Mexican on a bicycle? It could be your bicycle!"

"You'd think my hair would be a little more cooperative considering how many times I blow it per week."

"Twitter - We built this city on block and troll......"

"First Cannibal: Who was that girl I saw you with last night? Second Cannibal: That was no girl that was my supper."

"-What are you drinking, son? -Soy milk. -Hola milk, soy tu padre. Edit : Removed the ""es"" that was bothering everyone"