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Joke of the Day

"I called out of work today... Told my boss I had anal glaucoma. I couldn't see my ass coming in today."

"A guy tells his doctor ""I have a good pee every morning at 7.. ""And a good bowel movement at 8."" Doctor says ""OK so what's the trouble?"" Man says ""I don't get out of bed till 9!"""

"I've had enough of my girlfriend's obsession with auctions. So I bid her farewell."

"Doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand A neutron walks into a bar, and asks: ""How much for a drink?"". To which the bartender replies: ""For you, no charge"""

"Men need to stop staring and yelling at me when I wear yoga pants. I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for me, because it's comfortable... Who cares if you can see my balls?"

"What's the difference between sand and period blood? I can't gargle with sand."

"Why do bronies get so upset about the friendzone? I thought friendship was magic"

"My friends asked me what I liked about Switzerland Well the flags a big plus."

"I can never seem to get a good picture of wheat. It always comes out grainy"

"Fred: My mum's having a new baby. Drew: What's wrong with the old one?"