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Joke of the Day

"A guy tells his doctor ""I have a good pee every morning at 7.. ""And a good bowel movement at 8."" Doctor says ""OK so what's the trouble?"" Man says ""I don't get out of bed till 9!"""

"What did the redneck girl say to her father? Get off of me dad, you're crushing my Pall Malls!"

"Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore."

"You hear about the kids book that explains the Big Bang and Big Crunch to children? ""One Shift, Two Shift, Red Shift, Blue Shift."" By Doppler Seuss."

"My brain hurts. That means it's getting stronger. Right?"

"Why couldn't you hear the pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the pterodactyl is extinct."

"If a user posts Nazi-related offensive content and a German moderator sees it, what happens to the user? He gets banschlussed."

"It is always the wrong time of month."

"Why are pizza makers always poor? Because they knead dough to make a living."

"I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather.... Instead of commenting on reddit about how many times a joke has been posted."