180806

Joke of the Day

"A guy tells his doctor ""I have a good pee every morning at 7.. ""And a good bowel movement at 8."" Doctor says ""OK so what's the trouble?"" Man says ""I don't get out of bed till 9!"""

"Why does Pope Francis call his dick Santa? Because he comes to the good kids only."

"*swims up to girl in pool* so do you.. actually this is quite deep jesus *just disappears*"

"John Goodman descends from the sky on his hang glider, scooping stray cats into his mouth like a pelican."

"I went to an archery range. I shot a lot of targets in arrow."

"When choosing a heart medicine, always pick the one that causes, ""significantly less bleeding."" Less bleeding is good for not being dead."

"What does a blind pornstar say when she's surprised? I did not see that cumming...."

"What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher! Hahahahahahahahah you guys have no idea how alone I am."

"i want to make my racing snail like turbo snail"

"Complained to my wife about our sex life diminishing. Zero fucks were given."