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Joke of the Day
"Did your hear about the man with a broken left arm and broken left leg?"
Next Joke
"How many feminists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They can't change anything."
"What a rip-off! I picked up a book called 101 Mating Positions. It turned out to be a book on chess."
"""Oh, you decided to close your bedroom door with me on the outside? Allow me to sing you the song of my people."" -my cat"
"Why was the lifeguard unable to save the hippie from drowning in the ocean? He was too *far out, man*."
"I was in Ferguson last night and got jumped by 5 black guys! The car started right up, they just said it just needs a new battery. What nice gentlemen i thought to myself."
"What's the fastest way to make a skeleton? Put a leper in a wind tunnel"
"Why doesn't Stephen Hawking need a wife? Because he has his own shoulder to cry on. Edit: all credit goes to /u/Earleebird who posted it in a comment in /r/oldschoolcool"
"I went to the dentist. I sat down in the chair and he said, ""Open up for me..."" ""OK,"" I said, ""my parents don't love me very much."""
"The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl. It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real."