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Joke of the Day

"I was in Ferguson last night and got jumped by 5 black guys! The car started right up, they just said it just needs a new battery. What nice gentlemen i thought to myself."

"*termites on date* Waiter: what would you like to order, sir? Termite: table for two."

"how many apples does it take to make a pie? 3.14159265358979323846....."

"When I hear ""Tropical Depression"" I think of Toucan Sam sitting in a rain-forest crying. :("

"Any man that believes women are ""the weaker sex"" has never tried to reclaim his half of the blanket on a cold winter's night."

"I get so angry when I see nudity on Reddit... so I have to shake my fist"

"What do you call a midget psychic that's on the run from the law? A small medium at large."

"Man, I sure love gravity It's really down to earth"

"A loving couple just bought a new house The man says ""We really need a basement."" The wife replies ""Oh come on, as if the size of your sex organ wasn't enough for you already."""

"Not all my tweets are true. For example if ""sex"" and ""lack"" are not in the same tweet then the polygraph will probably run out of ink."