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Joke of the Day

"i lost my weed in my room does anyone have a drug sniffer dog that can keep a secret"

"Duck. A duck walks into a bar. The barman asks ""What will it be?"" The duck doesn't answer because he's a duck."

"Fidel Castro just died, Cubans can be finally happy that their country will be ruled by the young generation led by a much younger leader. His 85 year old brother!"

"What do you call the exact opposite of progress Congress"

"[date] HER: no more Scooby Doo imitations ME: ok WAITER: today's special is baby octopus ME: [Shaggy voice] zoinks HER: I'm done ME: ruh roh"

"Two homosexuals are bored... "" Let's play a game, if you win I'll play the girl's role. -OK -What has four legs and goes meow? -A crocodile. -You won !"""

"9yo: Look what I made! Me: What? 9yo: I taped 2 toilet rolls & made binoculars! Me: Great.*Holds up iPhone* This is what 9yos in China make."

"Did you hear the one about the gynecologist who was looking for a job? He could never find an opening."

"Opened the bathroom cupboard and a bunch of feminine hygiene products fell out on me. It was a tampede."

"FRIEND: hey while I'm on vacation can you come over and feed the cat? ME: FRIEND: ME: to what?"