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Joke of the Day

"Ready to earn money staring at my screen all day so I can afford to go home & stare at my screen all night, repeating the process unto death"

"I've managed to build a car without a reverse gear or a steering wheel. It's pretty straight forward really."

"Does shaking the vending machine count as working out?"

"What happens in Vegas stays on Facebook."

"I tweet because it's fun and I like the validation, but also because one day it'll prove to a jury how crazy I am."

"A sex therapist claims that the most effective way to arouse a man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears... Personally I think its nuts."

"How is prison like quidditch? The game ends when they catch the snitch"

"I was going to make a joke about vaginas. But you'll never get it."

"Scientists are now saying climate change is ""whatever"" and life is ""bullshit"" and ""Judith left me last night, that's why I'm drunk at work""."

"Every time I hear a mean joke about being Canadian, I go right to the hospital and get my feelings checked for free."