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Joke of the Day

"Scientists are now saying climate change is ""whatever"" and life is ""bullshit"" and ""Judith left me last night, that's why I'm drunk at work""."

"Kids are much like ________, they__________."

"How do you sink a norwegian submarine? Swim down and knock on the hatch. (In Sweden we have a running tradition of telling jokes about stupid norwegians. They do the same about swedes)"

"I don't smoke to be cool, I smoke so no one asks me to hold their baby."

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? because the 'p' is silent."

"I have really bad gambling withdrawals I take out about $400 a week"

"What all girls want? All girls want 70 things in their life 1. Shopping Rest are ""69"""

"How girls put on their pants: *Left leg*, *Right leg*, '' Wiggle*, *Wiggle*, *twerk*, *Jump*, *Jump*, *Squat*, *Stretch* Done."

"What do you call a man without shins? Tony. (A joke created by a non-redditing friend)"

"How do Jews do a pregnancy test? The woman spreads her legs and the man throws a penny between them - if a hand darts out to snatch it up then it's a positive"