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Joke of the Day

"I tweet because it's fun and I like the validation, but also because one day it'll prove to a jury how crazy I am."

"Apart from designers, what profession is the best at making clothes? Biologists, they work with genes all the time."

"I will marry the next person who just shows up here with a container of hummus."

"Judge: State your name. Me: Not Guilty Judge: What? Me: I had it legally changed. Judge: You're Not Guilty? Me: *moonwalks outta there*"

"What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set ? A boa constructor !"

"What's the difference between a pair of jeans and an Ethiopian? A pair of jeans only has one fly on it"

"What do you do with a zombie chef? Skillet"

"The last thing my father said to me before he kicked the bucket Hey, son. Check out how far I can kick this bucket"

"Who was the most racist president? Bill Clinton. He hid from the black guy in between the Bushes."

"what if plants could talk but they are still in shock from seeing the dinosaurs"