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Joke of the Day

"Grandma: 'And that's how me and your grandfather chose the colour of toaster in our first home' Me: 'So you haven't seen my scarf?'"

"Relationship between men and women is psychological. She is psycho and he is logical."

"I don't understand why, with all the modern technology we have, objects in the mirror can't be the exact size as they appear"

"[first date] Her: omg are you wearing a cape? Lol Me: [texting mom] ok you were right about the cape"

"Girl, if you got any hotter you'd be so earth-shatteringly hot the ground would split & we'd burn to death in molten lava. That would suck."

"Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy."

"Q: What kind of house is easiest to pick up? A: A light house."

"How can a blind person tell if they're home? They check the architexture."

"Why don't undertakers provide free services? That would be a dead giveaway."

"Why are yachts and ships so scary? Because they're for boating."