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Joke of the Day

"If someone casts me in a live musical I promise to go off book and start talking about 9/11"

"Do you know what number does the German Scrum-Half have on their back? Nein"

"Why was the fish processing factory built beside the computer factory? So that they could make fish and chips."

"My neighbor's 3 favorite films of all time: 3.) ""10,000,000 Explosions"" 2.) ""Army Guys Yelling At Each Other"" 1.) ""Subwoofer:The Movie"""

"Kids teach you so many life lessons. Unconditional love, patience, the meaning of family, but mostly to lock the bedroom door."

"How can you get a set of teeth put in for free? Smack a monster."

"I'd give these pigeons some bread but they'd probably just spend it on drugs."

"What's the difference between a dead prostitute and a Ferrari? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage."

"Just filled a bird bath with ranch dressing so my feathered friends have something to dip worms in. Pay it forward, everybody."

"The hardest part of any relationship is when it's not your turn to talk."