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Joke of the Day

"If god came down to earth, he'd have to take the form of Morgan Freeman. At this point, anything less would be disappointing."

"What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper? Getting fingered by Captain Hook."

"Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins? She couldn't figure out who the other mother was."

"Why did the unicycle win the race? Because the bicycle was two tired."

"Did you hear about that guy going around stealing everybody's Flamin' Hot Cheetos? He was caught red-handed! ...I'll see myself to the door."

"Why did the boy become an astronaut ? Because he was no earthly good !"

"9/10 people are retarded I'm glad I'm a part of the 1%."

"What did the termite eat for dinner? A table for two."

"hey baby did you fall from heaven because YOU'RE LUCIFER AND MUST BE DESTROYED"

"Whenever you go to do something, bring a hammer and a screwdriver... the first time it doesn't work, hit it with a hammer. If it doesn't work after that, screw it."