224318

Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about that guy going around stealing everybody's Flamin' Hot Cheetos? He was caught red-handed! ...I'll see myself to the door."

"My girlfriend says she'll break up with me if I don't give up writing I said, ""Sorry babe. Prose before hoes."""

"*sniffs date's hair* [later on in ambulance] ""no, it's my fault for not mentioning I'm allergic to japanese cherry blossoms"""

"Your mom and a Volkswagon have something in common They're both 40 times dirtier than advertised."

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to start the journey from I Can't Breathe Without You to I'll Choke You Out In Public."

"What if Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady? We would never know cuz he cant stand up"

"I heard a 7 year old tell this amazing joke the other day. What is Mario's favorite material? Denim denim denim! *musical*"

"Why can't motorcycles go faster? They're two tired."

"Him: Want to play Trivial Pursuit? Me: Sure. But I guarantee you'll win. I'm not that smart. Him: Want to play strip Trivial Pursuit?"

"When is a door not a door? When it's a jar"