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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about that guy going around stealing everybody's Flamin' Hot Cheetos? He was caught red-handed! ...I'll see myself to the door."

"Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh. - *My little brother told me this one; hit me with a little bit of nostalgia.*"

"Goal as a white guy 1)Pay taxes 2)Never say anything that may come across as racist 3)Find something clever to do with my arms when I dance."

"What did the father buffalo say when his son went off to college? ""Bison."""

"If you ever meet a girl named stone... Don't take her for granite"

"Q: What did Bill Clinton say to Monica? A: I told you to lick my erection not wreck my election."

"If burglars broke into my apt, they'd look around, shake their heads and leave me some cash with a note that says 'get yourself some shit!'"

"Me: if u take an opinion and subtract 3.14, you're just left with onion. pretty crazy huh Girl at the bar im flirting with: *takes 9 shots*"

"You never get a second chance to make a first impression... ...and so I bite."

"On Fred's 17th birthday his Dad said he'd take him out for his first driving lesson. As they got in the car the father said ""Just one thing Fred. If you're going to hit anything make sure it's cheap."""