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Joke of the Day

"If you text ""Haiti"" to Pat Robertson's phone number, $10 will be deducted from his account and sent to Haiti."

"The absolutely wrongest answer when you ask a woman if the carpet matches the drapes ""Nope. Hardwood floors."""

"Did you hear the one about the old man at the doctor? Man: I can't pee, doc! Doctor: How old are you? Man: I'm 90 years old. Doctor: Oh, you've peed enough! Heard this one in a bathroom at Walmart."

"A kid is playing with his Testicles, while his mom baths him... ""Mommy is this my brain?"" ""Not yet sweetheart, not yet"""

"CIA: So what did you call that new tracking software we put on everyone's iPhone? NSA: ""U2's New Album"""

"The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on the list."

"I'm Going To Hell For This"

"when they read side effects in prescription drug commercials they should show the actors actually suffering from them instead of canoeing"

"[First date] Me: ""So, what do you do?"" Date: ""I'm a librarian."" Me: ""Oh, my bad."" *Whispers for the entire rest of the date*"

"Totally done with the history channel... Nothing but repeats."