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Joke of the Day

"I'm Going To Hell For This"

"How does a coffee maker know it might be pregnant? It's period is a little LATTE."

"My wife caught me measuring my dick. Embarrassing! It reached just to the back of her sister's throat."

"After my sixth cup of coffee, I feel like Mario after he gets one of those bouncing, flashing stars."

"Hello, 911? *twirls phone cord around finger* sooooo how was your day? Did you arrest any bad guys?...No you hang up first! Hello? 911?"

"I put a couple of t's in my beer last night. I think it made it better."

"Just saw the hood of my jacket out of the corner of my eye and jumped out of the way, in case the Navy SEALS are hiring."

"Apparently, ""he's an army officer"" isn't the correct response to ""who's your daddy""."

"Boris Johnson? Isn't he the man that sounds like he's on his way to pub, or has just made his way back from it?"

"If I have seizures brought on by soda... Do I have Pepsilepsy?"