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Joke of the Day

"[First date] Me: ""So, what do you do?"" Date: ""I'm a librarian."" Me: ""Oh, my bad."" *Whispers for the entire rest of the date*"

"For fathers day, I bought my dad a $100 gift card to the Apple Store... He said ""Thanks for the phone charger, son."""

"Why do teen girls travel in groups of three? Because they literally can't even."

"Old Finnish Saying Do you know what's wrong with a Russian ass buzzer? It doesn't fit in your ass and it doesn't buzz."

"Live this day as if it is your last. And if it turns out it isn't, make a great many apologies tomorrow."

"I always found the movie ""The Exorcist"" confusing... It made my head spin."

"I feel like I have something to prove here. Judge: That's sort of how this works."

"RIPE David Bowie People are treating it as a rock and roll suicide Edit: rip not ripe ;-;"

"I see right through Caitlin Jenner Because she's trans-parent"

"The bartender says:""We don't serve your kind in here."" A tachyon walks into a bar."