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Joke of the Day

"By the time you finish reading this tweet, you will be slightly closer to death than you were before. I hope it was worth it."

"A man and a woman are having sex, when her husband comes early... she is sad."

"A Doctor gives his patient the bad news that he only has a week to live... Patient - ""No, I don't accept that! I'd like an alternative fact please"" Doctor - ""Money-wise, you are now set for life"""

"What do you call an animal with a long neck and a love for oranges? A Jiraffa."

"How do black people make fruit salad? They mix watermelon and grape soda. (On a side note, I'm not racist. I just think black people and racist jokes are funny.)"

"How does a fencer earn their karma? Ripostes."

"I bought shoes from a drug dealer.. I don't know what he laced em with but I've been tripping all day......!"

"Q: Why did Bill Clinton cross the road? A: To tax the chicken."

"What do you call a line of hundreds of rabbits, moving backwards slowly? A receding hareline"

"Q: How can you tell when you've passed an elephant? A: Your eyes are watering and you can't get the seat to go down."