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Joke of the Day

"''Hey, you like water? yes? well I can turn it into wine.'' -Jesus flirting in a bar"

"I overheard Oedipus swearing like a sailor... ...so I asked him, do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

"What I said: I forgot my book. What the teacher heard: I hate school, I hate you & I don't want to make something out of my life."

"Last year 52 Americans were shot by people who barely speak english, have no marketable skills, and are prone to angry outburst based on their views... ...toddlers are the worst."

"So I had an unplanned talk with my 13 years old son about masturbation yesterday... I told him it was a perfectly natural thing to do and that he should knock before he enters my room."

"The baby in the car next to me is either unable to control his arms or hes throwing me gang signs. Im not taking any chances. *locks doors*"

"Guy comes home from work and catches his mate shagging his wife so he stabs him to death. His missus says, ""fucking carry on like that, you wont have any mates left""."

"What is red and bad for your teeth? A brick."

"Went to see my doctor and he told i was going to have to stop masturbating I asked why and he said ""Because im trying to examine you!"""

"Where do fish keep their money? In the river bank."