144902

Joke of the Day

"To ease tension in crowded elevators I yell ""George Lopez is a comedic genius!"" Then I get stabbed with a box cutter & I dont have insurance"

"What playground equipment do kids hate the most? The slide into poverty."

"I hate when people text back ""K""...I'm rarely in the mood to talk about potassium."

"Oi, shower curtain - nobody likes you, we just tolerate you. Stop going in for a hug."

"Me:[grabbing my guitar] i wrote this for you. Her: awww. Me:*pulls note out of guitar hole* ""we're out of cereal."""

"why does reddit love cats so much? because they give zero fucks"

"What's the worst part about going down on a black girl? Cotton mouth"

"They found Bruce Willis dead next to a bottle of Viagra... ...I guess he *Died Hard*"

"What does Osama bin Laden and my wife's clitoris have in common? Took me 10 years to find it, but when I did; killed it!"

"To use Google efficiently, write like Tarzan. ""good tacos boston"""