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Joke of the Day

"To ease tension in crowded elevators I yell ""George Lopez is a comedic genius!"" Then I get stabbed with a box cutter & I dont have insurance"

"You know how you can tell if an Irishman has had too much to drink He walks into a bar"

"What do you call the act of lying about Penis size? A Phallacy"

"If I had a quarter for every time a homeless person asked me for change I still wouldn't give him any"

"Not enough drugs in the world that would make me strip in front of a webcam. But a bottle of wine should do it."

"Why are dogs in a lot of pain? Because they chew balls."

"There was a recall on my hearing aid but I never heard about it."

"Why couldn't the fortune teller fit into her shirt? Because she's a medium"

"Why didn't George like driving through tunnels with people in his car? He didn't want to get carpool tunnel syndrome."

"[Supermarket] Me: QUICK, WHERE IS YOUR FROZEN SECTION Assistant: Aisle 7 Me: GREAT [opens trench coat and 6 penguins fall out] let's go guys"