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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a lentil? I wouldn't pay good money to see a lentil."

"What's worse then ants in your pants? Uncles."

"Little Mary was living in Japan during the 1940s. Then one day, the Americans dropped an atomic bomb on the city she was living in. Where did she go after the explosion? Everywhere."

"If people would moan loudly during a pat down, the line would move much quicker."

"Your Mom is so old... She had to use her own face for emoticons."

"[maid of honor speech] Never thought this day would come! Remember when you came home early & he was wearing your bra & panties [mom faints]"

"I accidentally swallowed some thread a few days ago, and passed it out today. I shit you knot."

"How did ISIS become so powerful? They got a head"

"Mating call of a blonde... ""Hee hee, I think I'm a little drunk!"""

"I just got an eyelash in my eye and I'm yelling at it cuz it's supposed to prevent this shit from happening like, ""YOU ONLY HAVE ONE JOB."""