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Joke of the Day

"[maid of honor speech] Never thought this day would come! Remember when you came home early & he was wearing your bra & panties [mom faints]"

"When is the best time to buy budgies ? When they're going cheap !"

"How many Redditors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One + all... One to screw in the lightbulb, the rest just bitch that it is a repost."

"What do you call a nun using katana? Nunja."

"We built this city on rock n roll, bits of hair, couple of pieces of carpet we found. It's a horrible place to live honestly."

"Yo mama so fat the highway patrol made her wear ""Caution! Wide Turn"""

"Someday, when I'm really old, I hope I can sit my grandchildren around my rocking chair and text them pearls of wisdom."

"Don't run with scissors because you might accidentally trip, fall and cut the grand opening ribbon of a new museum 2 weeks ahead of schedule"

"Sure, white people can't say the ""N word"" but at least we can say phrases like, ""Thanks for the warning, Officer"" and, ""Hey, Dad."""

"What do you call a Chinese billionaire? Cha Ching"