144321

Joke of the Day

"Let's hear your best ""my penis is so big"" jokes My dick is so big that at birth, instead of spanking me, the doctor smashed me with a bottle of champagne"

"I just fake-went-to-the-bathroom to avoid someone. He followed me in. I don't think the pee noises I'm making with my mouth are working."

"Why is cocaine the alt-right's favorite drug? White powder!"

"Why are blood oranges the only ""blood"" fruit? Why not blood bananas? Who wouldn't like to slurp down a nice ripe blood banana?"

"I hope you guys realize that sunflower seeds are salted little plant babies."

"I hate how funerals are always at 9 or 10am... I'm not really a mourning person."

"I wish Bill Clinton would stop pointing his finger at everyone, Lord knows where that finger has been. #DNC #DirtyPoonTang"

"Person: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Me: I understand. *I spend the rest of my life biting the hands of everyone who hasn't fed me*"

"It's Saturday night and I just saw a guy with a ponytail and tinted lenses. Somewhere, a tarantula is home alone"

"Why did the blonde throw tic-tacs in her spaghetti? The recipe told her to mints her garlic."