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Joke of the Day

"Person: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Me: I understand. *I spend the rest of my life biting the hands of everyone who hasn't fed me*"

"I shouldn't. Ambien: YES. You should. But I'm naked. A: EXACTLY. Ok, fine. *stands up* I HAVE A REASON THESE TWO SHOULD NOT BE WED!"

"I plan to donate my liver to an alcoholic so i'll know it's a match"

"Tom Clancy passed away today Now he'll be Rainbow 6 feet deep."

"Solar powered watch free to collector This is not a wind up."

"Someone turn off the internet I'm trying to sleep"

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep."

"The was this democratic elevator stuck in the basement it kept getting down votes."

"How do spies eat their waffles? Syruptitiously!"

"Damn, i got hit with the ""we need to talk"" from my wife. Thank God it was just about divorce. I was scared shitless it was an intervention."