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Joke of the Day

"I just fake-went-to-the-bathroom to avoid someone. He followed me in. I don't think the pee noises I'm making with my mouth are working."

"I breathed a sigh of relief when I typed the letter ""y""... ...when I had to type ""analytics"" into the search bar during a presentation at work."

"Wtf neighbor I waved to you last week"

"What kind of cancer always stands by the government? Pro-state cancer."

"Well I failed my driver's test today. The instructor asked me what I do at Red lights, and I said, ""Text and Facebook"""

"I heard the chief of police on the news saying ""we will never forget 9 11"" I should bloody hope so its your phone number"

"I used to go out with a Jewish girl The sex was Unorthodox"

"I was born in California."" ""Which part?"" ""All of me."""

"Terrible one-liner I came up with while on autopilot at work. I'm not saying I'm a sex guru, but I know most of the ins and outs"

"""Stop complaining about food Maliki, it could be worse. There are girls in America who had their hair ruined by some rain."""