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Joke of the Day

"I hope you guys realize that sunflower seeds are salted little plant babies."

"How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it."

"What do you get when you cross a mountain climber and a mosquito? You can't. A mosquito is a vector and the mountain climber is a scaler. Courtesy of my physics professor."

"What can run out before you've had a chance to use it? Slaves."

"Hell, even an 80-year-old prostitute works more often than twitter."

"What's the difference between a goat and a kid? I stopped butchering goats."

"How do you keep a programmer in the shower all day? Give him a bottle of shampoo which says ""lather rinse repeat."""

"Did you hear about the triple-amputee who pitched in the majors? He was slow around the bases, but that boy had an arm on him!"

"Some people age like wine, others age like milk."