143811

Joke of the Day

"Whenever I see a newspaper on a driveway, left out in the rain, I figure that house just forgot how to read."

"I've heard of sleepwalking on Ambien but the cabbie dropped me off and seems I flew to New Mexico, got peyote, ate a burrito, and flew back."

"I'm just a girl, with a baseball bat, smashing my internet modem into a gazillion pieces."

"Summer in Scotland. . . Is the best day of the year."

"If you're scared of butter... use cream."

"Werner Heisenberg just unveiled a new car... It comes with a GPS or a speedometer, but not both."

"A blonde said, ""I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off, I was relieved when he told me all I needed was turn-signal fluid."" "

"What was Hitler's favourite aquatic animal? Adolfin."

"Is it true what every girls wants is 9 inches? Cos I'm not chopping 3 inches off for anybody!"

"someone adopt my gpa because i can't raise it myself"