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Joke of the Day

"Don't you love the tan lines that girls get after sunbathing? It's almost like God came down and highlighted all the important parts."

"the worst part of the robot uprising will be the constant software updates"

"My friend offered to let me rent 2 of his ermines. He is now the lessor of two weasels."

"What's the most bitter tea in existence? Reality *cries in the corner*"

"My father used to go out drinking all night, come home and blow chunks. why we called our dog chunks, I'll never know."

"If your ex wife, and ex mother in law were drowning and you could only save one.. What kind of sandwich would you make?"

"My Gf asked me How many times I jerked off I told her I only tried it a handful of times"

"Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play? A: To get away from the noise."

"What brand of car would the Roadrunner be? Jeep Jeep"