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Joke of the Day

"If your ex wife, and ex mother in law were drowning and you could only save one.. What kind of sandwich would you make?"

"*man with beerbelly waiting outside elementary school* *teacher walks towards man* ""are you expecting a child?"" ""no thats from all the beer"""

"Me: *lying nude on checkered blanket* Him: ""Where's the food and why are you naked?"" Me: ""Am I doing it wrong? This is my first picnic."""

"I dowloaded the song ""Runnin' down a dream"" illegally from the internet... I got charged with Petty theft."

"Never go to bed angry, stay awake and plot your revenge. "

"Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I'd highly recommend Fight Club."

"How would a pirate describe navigating Reddit on Talk like a Pirate Day? Arduous."

"Did you hear about the girl who went fishing with four captains? She came back with a Red Snapper."

"A COWORKER BROUGHT HER INFANT INTO THE OFFICE LET'S ALL CROWD AROUND AND TERRIFY IT. -women"

"If by ""unload the dishwasher"" you mean take out clean utensils as I need them, then yes I unloaded the dishwasher."